


Waiting...

by Wiccan507



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Ghost Allison Argent, Ghost Claudia Stilinski, Ghost Laura Hale, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Stiles Leaves, ignores S4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:15:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Allison dies the only person that blames Stiles is Stiles and the guilt is suffocating him. So he leaves his dad a note and he leaves Beacon Hills. 5 years later and he's still blaming himself, well a couple of ghosts have had enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting...

                When Allison Argent died Stiles expected everyone to blame him. But no one did. Scott hugged him, Lydia cried on his shoulder and Kira told him she was sorry he lost a friend. They never blamed him for any of it. And they would always reassure him of that. That it wasn’t his fault, that it wasn’t really him. And he was grateful to their faces. But in his room he would sit and think about everyone that died because of him. The way he could always hear Lydia screaming for Allison. It was like it was seared in to his brain and it followed him in to his dreams. Every night he’d try and save her but his legs wouldn’t move his arms couldn’t reach her, his own mind paralysed him. Let him watch her die over and over again. He thinks maybe Derek is what finally broke him.

“You’re not dressed.” The man was standing in his bedroom door just watching him, his eyes flicking between Stiles and the picture of Allison in his hands. He’d stolen it from Scott. He wouldn’t notice. His best friend couldn’t bear to look at pictures of her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you were okay.”

“Why?”

“You lost your friend. I know Allison and I didn’t know each other but she was a good person and she didn’t deserve this. You know this wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“No. You didn’t kill her Stiles. You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“And you didn’t pour gasoline on your house. But you still blame yourself for that.”

“That’s different.”

“And Paige? Is she different too?”

“I did kill her.”

“She was already dying.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No it really does. You don’t get to come here and tell me it wasn’t my fault when you think everything is your fault.”

“The things I’ve done…”

“Don’t. Don’t try and justify your guilt. You did what you had to. I just let it in my head. It used every piece of information I had against you. And I was in there the whole time. I watched everything it did.”

“That doesn’t mean it was you.”

“Just please leave Derek.”

“Fine. But you need to get dressed.”

“It doesn’t start for another hour. I’ll be dressed.”

“Okay. I’ll see you there.”

“Yeah.”  He wonders if Derek would have said something different. If maybe the man would have given him a life-altering speech. Maybe he would have if he’d known what Stiles was planning. If he’d known that he was leaving and that it might be the last time he ever saw him. But then Stiles knew he knew that he wouldn’t see Derek again and he didn’t say anything different. So maybe Derek wouldn’t either.

                He puts a note on his bed to his dad, puts his phone under it, and grabs his bag and leaves. This is what he needs, what he wants. He doesn’t say goodbye to anyone else, couldn’t face them anyway. Not when he’s taking the cowards way out. He wants to say he’s leaving because of the guilt or the pain but he knows it’s the fear. He’s so scared all of the time. Terrified that it’ll come back, that it’ll take another one of his friends. So he’s leaving because he can. There’s nothing forcing him to stay, nothing forcing him to do something so he’s making this choice.

                He drives past the cemetery, far enough away that they won’t know he’s there but close enough to see everyone. Chris is at the side, standing beside his dad, Derek is on his other side. They’re probably the ones who really understand. Who’ve lost enough that they might know what Chris needs. His dad can probably help him the most, the loss of his wife and now his child. Not in the same way Chris has lost Allison but maybe after a while it might seem like it. Scott and Lydia are standing on the other side, Lydia’s face buried in his chest, his arm heavy across her shoulders. Isaac stands on his other side, pressed against him in comfort. There’s no one else there. No one else who knew what she’d been through, knew who she was, who would understand that she died fighting for the people she loved. A part of him wants to go over there and say goodbye to her, wants to tell her how sorry he is but he doesn’t. He can’t. So he starts up his jeep and leaves.

                But that, all of that was so long ago. Something he doesn’t think about voluntarily, people he doesn’t think about. People he hasn’t even spoken to since he left. Sometimes he wonders about them, wonders what they’re doing, there probably better off. But it’s things he doesn’t think about unless someone asks.

“What?”

“I said whatcha running from honey?”

“Nothing.”

“A kid your age out here all alone, rusty jeep and no money. Must be running from something or someone.”

“I’m 22 and I’m not running.”

“You look about 18. If you want anything just shout me.”

“Will do.” The waitress gave him a small smile then walked away to help another customer. It was raining and his jeep had broken down again. It was the third time this month and she wasn’t safe to drive anymore but he didn’t exactly have another choice. He looked at the money on the table and sighed. It was all he had left from his last job. It wasn’t even enough for pie.

“How about something to eat?”

“As you said I have no money.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not taking your charity.”

“Good thing I’m giving you pie then and not charity.”

“I really can’t.”

“Take the damn pie kid.” Her glare was well practiced and she stared in to his soul until he nodded his head. It was weird but she looked like Derek when she did that. Or at least he thinks she does. He feels like he’s forgetting what everyone used to look like. They’d be so different now, older and more mature. He wishes he knew what they were doing. A slice of pie is put in front of him and he smiles up at the waitress.

“Thanks…”

“Laura. Laura Hale.” Erm…what? She winks at him then sashays away like she didn’t just drop the biggest bomb on him. He knew she looked like Derek but no. No that can be right. Because he saw her body. Her half a body. She drops in to the seat across from him while he’s freaking out.

“Do you like the pie?” He leans across the table and speaks as quietly as he can.

“You cannot be Laura Hale. Laura Hale is dead. I would know I saw her dead body! And if you’ve pulled the same shit Peter did and been alive this whole time without telling Derek then I’m gonna be super mad.”

“You know it’s a good thing I am actually Laura Hale, sister of Derek Hale, and not just someone with the same name. Otherwise you’d look pretty crazy right now.”

“I didn’t think of that.”

“Obviously.”

“How are you alive?”

“Oh I’m not. I’m very dead. I just needed to talk to you.”

“How are you here? And about what?”

“About going home.”

“I don’t have a home.”

“Of course you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“It’s been five years Stiles. You need to forgive yourself.” Forgive himself. She says it like it’s the easiest thing ever. As though he could just drop all the guilt and pain residing in his heart and it would be okay. But it’s not like he hasn’t tried, not like he hasn’t tried to get over everything, but he still has the nightmares and he can still hear the screaming.

“I don’t understand why I’m talking to you. I’ve never even met you.”

“Because we have a connection.”

“We do?”

“Yep. I was the first dead body you ever saw.”

“No you weren’t.”

“Of course I was. You never saw your mom’s dead body. You saw her dying.”

“Fine you were the first dead body I ever saw.”

“I know. And I looked terrible.”

“I’m dead, right?”

“No.”

“I have to be because this is ridiculous. I left five years ago, why would you get involved now?”

“I’ve been waiting.”

“For what?”

“It doesn’t matter yet.” This is ridiculous. He doesn’t need to sit here and listen to the none answers from the ghost of Laura Hale.

“I’m leaving.”

“You know scrooge?”

“What? Yeah.”

“Well you can either deal with me or three ghosts over a period of time.”

“You’re not serious.”

“Completely.”

“Fine I’ll stay.”

“Let’s start from the top. Why do you blame yourself for your mom?”

“What?”

“Well that’s where your guilt starts so we might as well start there.”

“No.” She heaves a deep sigh but changes the subject anyway.

“How about Derek?” It’s not particularly better but it’s easier to talk about.

“What about him?”

“Do you feel guilty for leaving him?” Of course he does. He thinks about him all the time and how Derek felt when he found out Stiles had left. He wonders if Derek blames himself, wonders if the man thinks he should have known Stiles was going to leave. If maybe there was something he could have said to stop Stiles from leaving.

“I left everyone.”

“I know. But he’s the only person you spoke to on the day you left.”

“Because he showed up. That’s it.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Look just answer my questions and then I will let you continue on your way to nowhere.”

“Get on with it.”

“Does it bother you that you never said goodbye to him?”

“No. We were barely friends.” He knows that’s not right. He may never have said they were friends but they were something, you don’t save someone’s life every other week and say you’re not.

“You’re not a very good liar.”

“What do you want Laura?”

“I told you I’m waiting.”

“Yeah I got that part. For what? For me to change my mind?”

“No.”

“You know you’re exactly like Derek. He never could give me straight answers.”

“Yeah it was something we used to do to my mom. When you live with werewolves you learn to lie by not lying at all.”

“So you just give no answers at all.”

“Oh we give answers they just don’t have anything to do with the question.”

“Great. So we done?”

“Not even close.”

“Then please hurry it up. I have places to be.”

“You mean the motel?”

“What.”

“I’ve been watching you for a long time Stiles.”

“It’s easy money and a place to sleep.”

“I’m not judging you for it Stiles. I understand.”

“How can you understand? You’re dead.”

“I wasn’t always. And Derek and I didn’t have money for a long time. Everything tied up because of the police investigation. I did things I’m not proud of but I did them for him.”

“Did he know?”

“Of course not. He was my baby brother and the woman he thought he loved just killed his whole family.”

“You knew about that?”

“Wasn’t hard to figure it out. At first I thought the way he’s reacting is normal because we lost everyone but then I realised that it wasn’t grief but guilt. The over-whelming stench of guilt and it clung to him. It would drown out everything else, especially at night when his nightmares came. So one day I really thought about it. Thought about all of it, the fact that she was able to get close to my house, she knew exactly where it was, exactly who would be home and when to hit. And I realised that she would have had to know someone in my house. And who better than the 16 year old still dealing with his first loves death and yet still filled with childish hope about love.”

“Why didn’t you tell him you knew?”

“Because she took so much from him. He lost his family, he lost his trust, lost hope, lost everything but his anger. And that killed me. I was his sister and I was supposed to protect him, so I didn’t tell him because I wasn’t about to make him think he’d lose me too.”

“You’re a good sister.”

“I know. But this isn’t about me. This is about him trusting you.”

“He didn’t trust me.”

“Are you serious? You saved his life more times than I can count. He didn’t want to trust you but he did. He hates it but he feels safe around you. Or at least he did.”

“I had to leave. I would have gone insane staying there.”

“But you didn’t have to leave without goodbye.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now because it’s happened and I did and I’m never going back.”

“You’re far too stubborn for your own good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That I’m bringing in the big guns.” With that Laura Hale disappeared from the booth and he was left alone. He looked around the diner and no-one seemed to notice that a woman literally just vanished. The door to the diner chimed and it was like he could feel the new presence. The new ghost walking towards him. The woman sat across from him, the same place Laura had and she smiled at him. Her chestnut brown eyes lighting up and her long brown hair pulled over one shoulder.

“Mom?”

“Hey sweetie.” There was tears sliding down his cheeks but he didn’t care because it had been so long since he’d seen her face. The picture in his wallet was barely discernible anymore and it was like he’d forgotten just how beautiful she was.

With a watery smile he slipped his hand in to hers “You’re the big guns?” She laughed, bright and loud and something he never thought he’d hear again.

“Yeah I am.”

“Are you disappointed in me?”

“Never. You did what you had to. I know that. And I know John knows that too. That’s why he never looked for you. Because we both know that if he had been he would have found you after three days.”

“Like the time I ran in to the preserve?”

“With your tent and your sleeping bag.”

“I miss him so much and I miss you every day.”

“I know baby. Your dad misses you too. But he knows that you needed to get away and he just wants what’s best for you. And he knows you’ll come home when you’re ready. As for me well I’m always watching out for you but nothing compares to being able to actually talk to you.”

“I can’t go home yet mom.”

“Oh honey you need to. It’s time for you to go back.”

“But why now?”

“We’ve been waiting.”

“For what?”

“It doesn’t matter yet. But Stiles baby I need you to know something.”

“Okay.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I died from an incurable illness. There isn’t anything you could have done to stop it.”

“But you could have lived longer without me. I was so stressful and you were always so tired trying to take care of me. And I just wanted to be good for you but it was so hard and then it would just make me wilder and you kept trying to take care of me even when you couldn’t even lift me anymore.”

“Stiles Stilinski stop that right now. I love you. I have always loved you. You are my son and I wouldn’t pick anyone over you. Yes you were a little more hyperactive than others, not that that was your fault, but I loved you regardless. And I may have been sick but I was still your mother.”

“But…”

“No buts. When I was in hospital you read to me. Do you remember that?” Stiles nods his head and she smiles “You read all of your favourite books to me. And you did your best to add in voices and make the story a show. And that was everything to me. I loved watching you read each book with the same excitement as if it was the first time. And you acted like every ending surprised you even when you’d read it five times over.”

“I always thought that if I did that then you wouldn’t forget the book and then that way you’d never forget me.”

“I could never forget you. I love you too damn much.”

“I love you too. But I can’t just go home mom, it’s been too long.”

“Sweetie it’s never too late to go home.”

“I can’t do it. I can’t go back to Beacon Hills. Knowing that Allison is dead because of me, and Lydia and Scott are there still not blaming me. How can they not blame me? It’s my fault she’s dead.”

“No it wasn’t. It was never your fault. You didn’t stab her, you never controlled the oni, and you didn’t kill her.”

“I let the nogitsune in to my head. I opened my mind for it to come in. An after everything it made me do.”

“Exactly Stiles, everything it _made_ you do. You never choose to do any of it. But we’re running out of time and I can see you’re not going to believe me.”

“Running out of time?”

“I love you. And I’m always going to be here.”

“Mom wait…”

“Tell your dad I love him.”

“I will. I love you.” She leaned over the table, pressed a kiss to his forehead and then she was gone. Just like Laura no-one in the diner seemed to notice a woman disappearing. He doesn’t know why but it kind of felt like this was his last chance. Like maybe his decision now would be the one he had to live with. The door chimes and he turns to look at it but it’s just a family, they look happy if not a little tired. He turned back and nearly fell out of the booth when he noticed Allison across from him.

“Sorry I just miss your flailing.”

“Well I just miss you so…”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. You?”

“I’m a pretty good ghost. I like to hide in people’s houses and just move shit around.”

“Really?”

“No but I could if I wanted.” She smiles at him and it breaks his heart. This is the smile he took away from his best friend, the life he could have had with Allison would have been incredible. Their children would have been all puppy dog eyes and princess smiles.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t mean to blurt it out but he never got to say it to her, never got to tell her how sorry he was for taking her life from her. It should have been him.

“I know you are. You’ve apologised to me every day since it happened.”

“It’s because no matter how many times I say it, I know I won’t ever make it up to you.”

“Stiles I don’t blame you for what happened.”

“How can you not? It was my fault!”

“No it wasn’t. The nogitsune could have taken any of us. Hell it infected Derek and he’s the most guarded person out there. This was never your fault. You never did this. You didn’t ask him to take over your mind.”

“I could have fought harder and stopped him.”

“Or you would have died.”

“Better me than you.”

“Really? You think Scott would have ever forgiven himself if you died. You think your dad would have dealt with it.”

“Your dad does.”

“My dad’s built to. When my mom died I watched him compartmentalize the entire thing because more important things were happening. Your dad isn’t built like that. He didn’t have it drilled in to him that when he lost someone he had to push it to one side. Your dad wouldn’t have recovered and you know it. Stiles no one blames you but you.”

“But they should! Because I let it in! Why can’t you understand that?!”

“We all did what we had to Stiles. We died for our parents and it’s not your fault if it used that against you!”

“Yes it is.”

“Why!”

“Because I knew it wasn’t enough!”

“What wasn’t?”

“Lydia. I doubted that it would be enough. That connection or whatever you’re supposed to have. I doubted it and that is why it went after me. If I had believed that Lydia was enough of a connection then I would have been fine. But I didn’t and that’s what left my mind open.”

“Stiles you can’t blame yourself for that. Everyone has doubts. And you and Lydia, of course you had doubts, you loved her for years and now she was expected to have a strong enough connection to you to bring you back. How could you not doubt that?”

“I should have been stronger. I should have done more.”

“You did enough Stiles. You did everything you could.”

“I’m so sorry.” The tears were rolling down his face and his breath was coming out in harsh sobs but he needed her to know. “I’m sorry I took your life away from you. I’m sorry I took Scott away from you and everything you were supposed to do together. I’m sorry.”

“I know. I know you are. But Stiles I need you to forgive yourself. I need you to go home. Scott’s gonna need you.”

“What happened? Please don’t tell me it’s something bad.”

“No. It’s really good. It’s so good.”

“Do you watch over him?”

“I used to. But then he got better and he moved on and I was happy for him but it’s painful to watch him be in love with someone else.”

“Is that why you came to me now?”

“No.”

“Then why now?”

“We’ve been waiting.”

“For what?”

“You’re past to catch up to you.” She smiled at him then she was disappearing like the others and for a moment he wondered if everyone thought he was some crazy guy that liked to cry and talk to himself. The bell chimed above the door and he looked round to see who walked in and he felt his heart drop. No. No not him. The man was standing in the middle of the diner and Stiles was pushing out of the booth before he could stop himself. He ran and wrapped his arms around Derek before the man even knew what was happening.

“Stiles?” Arms wrapped around his waist and he felt like he couldn’t breathe with the grip but he didn’t care because Derek was here. And he’s only spoken to dead people today and Derek can’t be dead. They were supposed to be better without him.

“Please don’t be dead. You can’t be dead. You’re supposed to be alive. You were meant to be better off.” He’s crying in to Derek’s shoulder and his fingers are starting to hurt from the grip he has on his jacket but he’s not saying anything. He’s just holding Stiles as though his entire world isn’t crashing right now.

“You’re alive?”

“Yes! Please tell me you are too.” Derek gripped Stiles face in his hands and stared in to his eyes. There were tears in his eyes and it looked like it was taking every bit of restraint he had to not break down.

“I’m alive. Of course I’m alive.” He sobbed in relief and Derek pulled him back in to his body. The people in the diner were starting to notice the scene taking place so Derek wrapped his arm around Stiles waist and lifted his feet of the ground so he could walk them outside. They didn’t separate once outside; Derek just leaned against the side of the building and kept his arms around Stiles. And Stiles kept his face pressed against Derek’s chest.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m driving back to Beacon Hills.”

“Driving back?”

“I live in New York.”

“You moved away?”

“Yeah about a year after you left.”

“Oh. Why are you going back?”

“Scott. He’s getting married.”

“He is?”

“Yeah. He er…left a spot open for you. As his best man.”

“He did?”

“What happened to you Stiles?”

“I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t breathe in Beacon Hills.”

“I understand. I do. But I was right there Stiles, right in front of you and you never said anything. You just left.”

“I always wondered if you were mad about that.”

“I could have helped you. I could have left with you. You didn’t have to be alone.”

“I deserved to be.”

“No you didn’t. Stiles you…”

“Stop. It’s okay. I need to go home. I need to go see my dad and Scott.” It feels right. This was the decision he was supposed to make and he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. He doesn’t want to scrape by and sleep in his jeep. He loves her but she’s not the most comfortable.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I think it’s time that I do.”

“Your dad’s gonna be happy to see you. I know he’s missed you a lot.”

“Cause you’re such great friends?”

“Actually…”

“You’re not friends with my dad!”

“He was the one who helped me move to New York. We drove across the country together.”

“No. Oh my gods. You’re serious?”

“Yeah. After I worked for him we got pretty close.”

“Wait. Wait. You worked for him?”

“Oh right yeah. He trained me to be his deputy and then he actually got me a job in New York and for the past 4 years I have been a member of the NYPD.”

“Wow. I guess I never really thought about how much I would be missing.”

“Tell you what, why don’t you drive back with me and I’ll fill you in on everything.”

“That’s a long drive, are you sure you can deal with me for that long?”

“I’ve missed you, so yeah.”

“I missed you too. Erm…we could probably stop holding each other now, I’m much calmer.”

“Would you maybe mind if we didn’t? I’ve spent 5 years going between he’s dead no he’s alive, and now that you’re here I kind of just…want…”

“Derek it’s fine. I get it. We can stay here as long as you like. But do you think we could get a little more comfortable?” Derek gave him a small smile then pulled them both to the ground, Stiles straddled his legs and leaned forward till he could rest his head on Derek’s shoulder. “This is much better.”

“Stiles when you first saw me why did you think I was dead?”

“It is such a long story.”

“Well we’ve got plenty of time.”

“Yeah I guess we do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've ended this a little abruptly and it's because if I didn't end it here then I would have ended up writing like 30,000 words of their road trip to California.


End file.
